i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
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My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize