im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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