You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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