my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
