She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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