It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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