Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
