Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
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She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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