I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
