I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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