It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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