I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
