Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
