guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
