The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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