I'm gonna have a badass scar
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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