The maid of honor just puked.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
