watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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