That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
