pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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