My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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