I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
