Just mADE A PArabola og urine
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
