so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You took a bar mat shot.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
