i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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