i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
