It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
PANTIES FOUND
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
