Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize
