According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
