she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
