Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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