I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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