we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
