Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
