PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
