i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
