do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
