He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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