I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
