Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
