Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
