SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
