You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
