Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
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You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
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WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize