i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
