hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
