I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
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Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
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Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I know her cup size but not her name....
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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