I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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