Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
