I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
