My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
