Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
