i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
