Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
