Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
He managed to rip my nipple last night....