Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.