All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself