well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.