btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs