Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
