I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
