some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
