Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
